Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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