He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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