I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
