So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
