I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
