I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
