girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
