I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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