Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
