U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
babies were throwing up all over the place
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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