Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
