like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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