I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a hot homeless man
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
