...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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