it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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