I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Randomize
