defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
