we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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