I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
