lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
