You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
