cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
