I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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