yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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