I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
