I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
