Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
