I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
