Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
