First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
