I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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