Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
