Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
