I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so explain again why im purple
no
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
