"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
