omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
