I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
