Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
