is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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