Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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