Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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