i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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