Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
