That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
