God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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