the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
