These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
