they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
