whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize