he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
